Joke Compendium

A victim of a griefing is looking for help pearling the perpetrator. First, he heads to Orion asks whether they help pearl criminals. They say yes, but they want to see evidence.

Unable to find the correct snitchlog, the victim walks on into Commonwealth. He asks whether they help pearl criminals, and is told yes, but they require evidence. Again, the victim walks on.

Then, the victim wanders into a strange place called Duck City. He is immediately pearled by one mrgerbic, who demands to know the reason for the victim's entry into a closed city

The victim asks if Duck City helps to catch criminals, and mrgerbic replies yes. The victim cautiously asks whether they require evidence. mrgerbic replies, "What's evidence?" -Tambien_Sinclair

A citizen of the SPQR walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers, and says to the bartender, "Five beers, please". -Dydomite

Sovereignty -IntellectualHobo

Q Why is Carson like a reality TV show? A Both rely on scripts. -Ogel6000

Q How many Aurorans does it take to change a lightbulb? A There's not enough people online to do it, we'll try again tomorrow. -Ogel6000

Q What's the difference between Aytos and Ancora A One is an aesthetically pleasing city. The other is a city called Aytos. -Ogel6000

Q How many New Leningraders does it take to change a lightbulb? A Unfortunately, nobody will ever be able to know. -Ogel6000

Q What's the difference between Carson and Google? A People enjoy having to go through Google to get to where they want to go. -Ogel6000

Q How many Solisians does it take to change a lightbulb? A Unfortunately, there aren't enough of them left to handle such a task. -Ogel6000

Q How many Carbonites does it take to change a lightbulb? A Doesn't matter, they have nothing worth illuminating anyways. -Ogel6000

Q Why did the Nugget Brigade cross the road? A To get away from the Auroran chasing them with an iron sword. -Ogel6000

Q Why is Carson like Canada? A Both use robots to build their railways. -Ogel6000

How many AnCaps does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they'll just let the free market take care of it. -Ogel6000

How many Havenites does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only 1, Havenites will happily screw up anything. -Ogel6000

How many Aurorans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Ten. One to do it, nine to complain there was too much drama. -Ogel6000

Why did the unsuppressed worker cross the road? Because Zombie Lenin told him to. -Ogel6000

How many Orionites does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One to hold it in place, and the world revolves around him. -Ogel6000

What's the difference between Lio and an assembly of newfriends? The buildings. -Ogel6000

Berge and his 250 homesteaders walk into a bar They order 5 drinks -Civ_Quickcash

Who will build the roads? The government foofed kicked out -Civ_Quickcash

It's recess in the playground. Three third-grade boys are standing around the water fountain talking, one is an ancap, one is a liberal, and one is anarchist.

They start talking about dicks and decide to have a contest, everyone pulls it out and they see who has the biggest.

The Liberal kid pulls it out first, and it's about three inches long, pretty good for a third grader. The Anarchist kid pulls his out next, and it's pretty big, almost five inches flaccid. The liberal is stunned.

Finally, the AnCap pulls his out, and it's monstrous, like the size of the liberal's arm. He clearly wins the contest. Later that night, around the dinner table, he tells his family about the contest.

"Dad, at recess, we were standing around, and we all pulled our dicks out, and mine was the biggest!!! I have the biggest dick in the third grade!" His father sighed and said glumly, "That's not surprising, son."

"Why, Dad?" said the boy, "Is it because I'm an Ancap?" "No, son, it's because you're 25." -Civ_Quickcash

What do you get when you put two anarchists in a room? Three anarchist splinter groups -Civ_Quickcash

What's foofed's least favorite food? KFC -Civ_Quickcash

What's servererror's favorite food? Spam -Civ_Quickcash

A New Leningrader, an Orionite, a Fellow (Fellowship) and a Duck City resident are on a plane trip together. Suddenly, due to metric/gallon conversion mistakes, they soon realise that the plane does not have enough fuel.

They decide to each throw out something that they have excess of in their city to make the plane a bit lighter. The New Leningrader throws out several stacks of smoothstone, claiming "We have warehouses

full of smoothstone, we can afford to lose a few stacks". Next, the Orionite throws out a few roads, claiming "We have such a strong state, we can basically pull roads out of our ass"

Next, the Fellow throws out cobble, claiming "We have tonnes of cobble left over from digging the Hexagon, we don't mind losing some" Finally, the Duck City guy throws a doublechest of HCF pearls. -Ogel6000

clone2204 is not gay -uncle_ben69

A Civcraft player is sat on a plane to NYC as the final few passengers begin boarding. Suddenly, a guy sits next to him; white, regular height, straight brown hair. Nothing out of the ordinary, except on his lap... the guy has two laptops.

The player is confused, but imagines there's some sort of reason. Feeling a little ill, he turns over and falls asleep. An hour later, he wakes up mid-flight. He turns over to order a glass of water to settle his stomach,

and finds the passenger seated next to him hunched over intensely, both laptops booted up... one running Minecraft, the other a Mumble/subreddit combo. "Woah," says the player, stomach groaning. "You play Civcraft?"

The passenger turns, a sleight look of confusion on his face. "Yeah," he replies casually. "Hey me too!" exclaims the player, "What's your username?"

The passenger smiles. "TTK2", he proclaims. The player almost jumps up in shock. "No way! That's crazy! You're really TTK?" "Yup," he replies.

"Woah," says the player, "That's insane. What are the chances? So you're heading out to New York?" "Yeah," he replies, "I've been preparing for the trip for about a year now."

The player seems curious. "What do you mean?" "Well," TTK begins, "It's actually the reason I started Civcraft in the first place. I knew this trip was coming up, and wanted to be prepared."

The player processes this for a few seconds, before asking a follow-up: "I still don't understand, you invented Civcraft specifically for this trip?"

"Yup," TTK responds, as he turns back to review a few new comments. The player still doesn't quite understand, but he decides to give the Admin the benefit of the doubt. "So why do you have two laptops on you?"

TTK looked up. "Oh, same reason. It's all part of my preparation for this journey." By now the player was extremely confused. "Okay, I'm sorry, but... I really don't understand.

You invented Civcraft, then brought two laptops running versions of the Mumble and Subreddit, specifically in preparation for this flight?"

"Yeah," TTK replied, "When my doctor heard I was going to fly for the first time, he told me to take a couple of drama mines." -Tactful

THIS HAS BEEN CIVCRAFT JOKE COMPENDIUM VOL. 1 I hope you enjoyed it as much as i did. -mtheisen178