Spongebob S3E36a

SpongeBob SquarePants Episodes Transcribed By MANZA §nGraveyard Shift§r §oS:2 E:36a §rNarrator: Ah, The Krusty Krab. Bikini Bottom's premiere daytime eatery. Where it will be closing time

right about... Squidward:§o[talks cheerfully as he switched the Open sign to Closed] §rNow! 8:00! So long, suckers! I've got a hot date with a little lady, and her name is: §o[pulls out his clarinet] §rClarinet. §o[Tom shows up at the door and knocks on

§oit] §rWhat? Tom: Are you open? Squidward:§o [points to sign] §rRead the sign. Tom: I'll have a Krabby Patty Deluxe and a double chili kelp fries. Squidward: No, you won't! I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life. Tom: Well fine, if you don't

want my money! Mr. Krabs: §o[says cheerfully] §rMONEY?! §O[Mr. Krabs then falls from the ceiling on top of Squidward] §rYou mean, if we stayed open later, you'd give us your money? Tom: §o[pulls out cash, Sadie, an anchovy, and an old man appear behind

§r§ohim] §rSure! Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward, §o[tears up the Closed sign] §rwelcome to the night shift. From now on, the Krusty Krab is open 24 hours a day. Squidward: WHAT!? §o[crowd of fish barge in cheering] §rSpongebob: Wow! Now we never have to stop

working! Squidward: Mr. Krabs... Mr. Krabs: See ya in the morning, boys! I can't hang out here all night! I've got a life. §o[leaves] §r Squidward: Mr. Krabs? Spongebob: Isn't this great Squidward?! Just you and me together for hours and hours and hours

and then the sun'll come up and it'll be tomorrow and we'll still be working! §o[gasps] §rIt'll be just like a sleepover! Only we'll be sweaty and covered with grease! §o[jumps on cash register counter] §rAre you ready to rock, Squidward?! Squidward: No.

Spongebob: Good! 'Cause we've got customers! Squidward: §o[Sandals walks up to counter; Squidward hands hima baseball bat] §rHere. Please hit me as hard as you can. Spongebob: Psst, Squidward. I'm working in the kitchen §o[laughs] §rat night!

Squidward: §o[takes hat off; leans head on counter] §rDon't hold back. Spongebob: §o[cuts to SpongeBob in kitchen] §rHey Squidward. Guess what, I'm chopping lettuce...at night. §o[cuts to SpongeBob in the bathroom wiping it clean with himself] §rLook at

me, I'm swabbing the bathroom...at night. §o[cuts to SpongeBob at the grill picking up spatula, misses the spatula and hits the grill; screams] §rI BURNED MY HAND!!...at night. §o[cuts to SpongeBob walking on the counter, singing to the tune of Charge] §r

Night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, na-na-na-na-night! NIGHT! Squidward: WILL YOU PLEASE?! Here, §o[hands SpongeBob a bag of garbage] §rgive me a moment's peace and take out the trash! Spongebob: All right!

§o[takes bag from Squidward] §rTaking out the trash. Taking out the trash...at night. §o[stops at the door] §RYou mean outside? Squidward: That's where the dumpster is, yes. Spongebob: I don't know, Squidward, §o[leans face against window] §rit's kinda

dark out there. Squidward: But I thought you liked the night shift. Spongebob: You're right! §o[lifts bag over his head] §rFor the Krusty Krab! §o[runs out of the building to the dumpster, screaming and panicking the whole way; reenters the building

§opanting heavily. snaps his fingers and confidently says] §rPiece of cake! Squidward: So you're not afraid? Spongebob: Pfft, nah. Squidward: Well I am. Especially after, §o[looks around, gulps] §rwell, you know. Spongebob: §o[turns around]§r What? What

do I know? Squidward: You don't remember? It was all over the news. Spongebob: Tell me! Tell me! Squidward: No, no, no, I probably shouldn't. It would ruin the night shift for you. §o[gives a sympathetic look, then smiles slyly] §r

Spongebob: §o[excitedly] §rWhat happened, what happened, what happened!? Squidward: You mean you've never heard the story of the §o[thinks] §r"Hash-Slinging Slasher?' Spongebob: The Slash-Bringing Hasher? Squidward: The

Hash-Slinging Slasher! Spongebob: The Sash-Ringing, the Trash-Singing, Mash-Flinging, The Flash-Springing, Ringing, The Cr-Crash-Dinging, daa. Squidward: Yes. The Has-Slinging Slasher. But, most people jsut call him The Ha §o[breaks into scream] §rbecause

that's all they have time to say before he GETS THEM! Spongebob: §o[begging] §rTell me the story! Squidward: Years ago at this very restaurant, the Hash-Slinging Slasher used to be a fry cook - just like you - only clumsier. And then, one night, when he

was cutting the patties ...it happened. Spongebob: He forgot the secret sauce? Squidward: No. Spongebob: He didn't wash his hands? Squidward: No! Spongebob: Irregular portions? Squidward: NO! He cut off his own hand by mistake.

Spongebob: You mean like this? §o[pulls one of his arms out of socket, another one grows back in its place] §rOr like this? §o[pulls it again, another one grows back] §rOr this? §o[does it again] §rOr this? §o[does it again] §rBut what about this? Or this

or this, or this, or... Squidward: §o[interrupts] §rExcept he wasn't a sponge! Spongebob: §o[ask with all his extra hands creating a rainbow-like line] §rSo? Squidward: SO IT DIDN'T GROW BACK! Spongebob: §o[screams] §rOH, NO! §O[all his extra arms lift

§otheir hands upwards and run away]§r Squidward: And he replaced his hand with a rusty spatula. And then, he got hit by a bus! And...at his funeral, they fired him! So now, every...what day is it? Spongebob: Tuesday. Squidward: Tuesday night, his ghost

returns to The Krusty Krab to wreak his horrible vengeance. Spongebob: §o[gasps] §rBut tonight's Tuesday night! Squidward: Then he'll be coming. Spongebob: How will we know? Squidward: There are three signs taht signal the approach of the

Hash-Slinging Slasher. First, the lights will flicker on and off. Next... Harold: §o[interrupts] §rDude, can I have some ketchup? Squidward: Oh, here you go. §o§o[hands him ketchup] §rNext, the phone will ring and there will be nobody there. §o[shows

§oSpongebob eating his fingernails] §rAnd finally, the Hash-Slinging Slasher arrives in the ghost of the bus that ran him over. §o[shows Spongebob eating his fingernails, starts eating his arms, the arms regrows and he eats those and then he eats his arms

§olike popcorn] §rThen he exits the bus and crosses the street without looking both ways because he's already dead! §O[Spongebob begins eating his hands like popcorn] §rThen he taps on the windows with his grizzly spatula hand... Spongebob: No.

Squidward: He opens the door §o[pushes his tentacle to Spongebob's face, making it looking like he's a door that's being opened; while doing this he imitates the sound of a squeaky door opening. leans torwards Spongebob's face, which sinks in] §rHe

slowly approaches the counter §o["counter" echoes menacingly] §r...and you know what he does next? Spongebob: What? Squidward: You really want to know? Spongebob: What? Squidward: Are you sure you want to know? Spongebob: WHAT,

WHAT, WHAT DOES HE DO?!?! Squidward: §o[sneaks up on Spongebob, taps him] §rHe gets ya! §o[Spongebob now screams repeatedly for about 20 seconds while Squidward is laughing] §rSpongebob... §o[continues screaming] §rSpongebob I wa... §o[screaming continues

I wa ju... §o[Spongebob's pupils are now screaming too] §rI was jus... §o[screaming continues] §rSPONGEBOB, I WAS JOKING! Spongebob: What? Squidward: It's not true! None of it's true! Spongebob: It's not? Squidward: Of course not. Nobody has a spatula for

a hand. It was all a joke. Spongebob: Ohhhhh. §o[laughs repeatedly like he did with screaming] [cuts into later in the night. Shows Krusty Krab with a big sin that says 'Open Forever'] [Squidward is shown at the counter reading a book. Sqyudward hears

§ospooky noises and feels water dripping on him but he doesn't know what it is] §r Spongebob: §o[on the ceiling wearing suction cups cleaning] §rIsn't this great, Squidward? §o[Squidward screams] §rThere's never time to wash the ceiling during the day.

Squidward: §o[says to himself] §rOpen 24 hours a day. What a stupid idea! Who wants a Krabby Patty at three in the morning? §o[cuts to Patrick's bedroom] §r Patrick: §o[Patrick's alarm goes off] §rOh boy! Three A.M.! §O[whips out a Krabby Patty and starts

§oto eat it; cuts back to The Krusty Krab] §r Squidward: Just look at this place. It's like a ghost town in here! §o[lights start to flick on and off] §rVery funny, Spongebob. Spongebob: What? Squidward: 'And the lights will flicker on and off.' Just like

the story. I get it. §o[realizes no one is flickering the light switch and looks shocked] §r Spongebob: Hey Squidward, how are you doing that without moving the switch? Squidward: I'm not doing it. It must be the stupid, faulty wiring in here. This place

isn't built to run 24 hours a day! §o[phone rings, Squidward picks it up] §rWhat, what, hello? Hello? Hello? Spongebob: §o[walks up to the counter] §rNice try, Squidward. Squidward: Nice try, what? Spongebob: "The phone will ring and there will be no one

there.' §o[raises eyebrows up and down and giggles] §rOh, you crack me up. Squidward: Spongebob, I'm not doing this. §o[hangs up phone] §rOh no, calm down, calm down. All right, what was it? There was the lights, §o[lights flicker on and off] §rand the

phone, §o[phone rings] §rand the walls will ooze green slime! §o[walls start to ooze green slime] §rNo, wait. They always do that. But what was that third thing? §o[hears a motor, turns his head; a bus pulls up to the Krusty Krab doors] §r

Spongebob: §o[walks up to the counter] §rI didn't know the buses ran this late. Squidward: They don't! §o[a man gets out of the bus and the bus pulls away, all Squidward and Spongebob can see is his spooky outline] §r Spongebob: Well they're dropping

someone off. §o[from the outside, the man lifts his spatula] §r Squidward: §o[screams to the point where hair grows from his head and starts wiggling] §r Squidward: THE SASH-RINGING, FLASH-SINGING, THE BASH-PINGING... Spongebob: The Hash-Slinging Slasher!

§o[starts to cry] §rAt last you understand! We're doomed! Spongebob: No, that's not it. §o[wipes tear] §rI am just so touched that you would go through the trouble to dress up as ghostly fry cook and stand on the other side of the street, just to

entertain me! You must really like me! §o[cries again] §r Squidward: Spongebob, there are two problems with your theory. One - I hate you. And two - how can that be me when I'm standing right here!? §o[the man taps on the door with his spatula] §r

Spongebob: §o[screams to the point where his eyelashes grow and start wiggling] §r Spongebob & Squidward: THE HASH-SLINGING SLASHER!!! §O[the guy walks in the door and up to the counter] §r Squidward: Spongebob, no matter what I've said, I've always sort

of liked you. Spongebob: Squidward, I used your clarinet to unclog my toliet. Squidward: Huh? §o[a nerdy unnamed guy reaches the counter] §rThe Unnamed Guy: Can I have a job application? I brought my own spatula. §o[holds up spatula] §rI called here

earlier but I hung up 'cause I was nervous. Spongebob: Do you have references? Squidward: Wait, if that was you on the phone and youn on the bus, then who was flickering the lights? §o[lights flicker on and off; Spongebob, Squidward and the unnamed guy

§olook over to see Nosferatu] §r Spongebob, Squidward & The Unnamed Guy: Nosferatu! Nosferatu: §o[smiles. light turns off] §r End.