TheBookOfPandaP1

Chapter 1 --------- When a half blind Panda bear who speaks some Spanish and who is dropped off by a helicopter in Philadelphia robbing a bank with a plastic spoon then disappearing with a homeless man, only to be found in the Middle

East having created a Chinese fast food empire, which is really only a cover for an illegal snake fighting tournaments, when the bind Panda meets a frog who spontaneously combusted every 30 minutes but recreates itself every 15 minutes. Then the frog wins

the snake ring sending the Panda into homelssness. Then while the Panda is homeless on the streets of New York an Albanian farmer coming in from San Francisco to sell crack, shoots him. Then in the hospital he meets the love of his life a

crazy women who just got out of an insane asylum and they move to Iraq together, but on the way the crazy women dies of Spontaneous Combustion and he must now go on a quest to find the frog to figure out how to recreate yourself after spontaneously

combusting. The quest leads him onto the bustling streets of Venice where he gets caught in shoot out between the cops and other cops, leading him to wonder how corrupted Italy is. So he now must break into the president of council

ministers office to ask him. He hires a speed boat to bring him to where ever that office is. Then while there he pulls out an AK47 killing the 30 guards then throws a grappling hook up the the office propelling himself up, and jumps through the window.

Then they have a conversation that goes something like this "Hi" "Hi" "Whats up?" "Nothing much, you?" "I'm fine, I just got a new bike!" "Great wanna try it out?" "Hell yes!" and after that deep emotional conversation the Panda knows what the corruption

is and heads off to find the frog. Luckily the President had given him the exact where abouts of this frog, and the Panda easily tracked him to the foothills of India. When he arrived he found out it was a trap! The frog was holding a gun pointed

at the Panda and had the magic lion person from Narnia beside him. They then had a conversation "Hello!" "Shut up panda! I know why your here, you figured out I rigged the snake fight" "You bastard, but thats not why I'm here"' "Why are you he-"

The frog spontaneously combusted. "Rarrr we have to wait 15 minutes Rarr" "Alright magic lion, do by any chance happen to have a bike" "No" "Interesting" Then the frog suddenly appeared. "So why are you here?" "I was wondering how do

you come back after the spontaneous combustion?" "What spontaneous combustion?""You know what I'm talking about" "Get him magic lion" The lion then pulled out a gun "RARR NOT SO TOUGH NOW LITTLE Panda RARR" The Panda decided there was only one thing to

do. He raised his hands menacingly and called upon the magic powers of the blue blood moon granting him the power to do anything. Using his new found powers he created a stereo and played disco music very loud, Then started to sing, then the frog cumbusts

and the Panda goes to France and forgets all about Helga the love of his life. He also enters the national spelling bee and loses in the first round because the place is stormed by the FBI looking for a suspect in the murder of the President of something

or rather. Next they took him into custody in a isolated area, some where of the coast of Puerto Rico. He was guarded by 18 guards and a bald man who was almost 8 feet tall, and skinny as a stick. He punched the Panda in the eye screaming

"I know you did it you salty son of a bitch" "Did what," "I will blow up this island! I will kill everybody including me! I will rip out your liver and feast on your insides! I swear I rigged this island 4 times over with explosives now talk or we will

all be going down." "Fine, I'm double agent" The Panda broke the straps holding him doing mad karate disarming the man and snapping his neck. Next he jumped out the window doing more mad karate killing the 18 guards and escaping the island on moter boat.

Next in china he bought an untraceable cell phone and called the leader of the Russian mafia. "There on to me" "So, you want to dance pretty boy" "No, but what should I do the Italians are on to me" "I would like to see you in a bikini Panda bear"

"No god no!" "So why don't you stop by my mansion" The bear hangs up. He needed to do what wasn't needed at all but what he should have done a long time ago. Now that he wasn't in the Russian mafia any more things were all right and he could pursue his

dreams as a book binder. At the book binding headquarters in Dubai he carefully binded another book. His boss walked over "Yes, you very good" "I know" "Well I see, but I can not have competition" He pulled out a knife and slashed at the``````

Panda. He dodged using matrix abbilitys and calling upon his friend Al a blind half deaf ogre with no hair. Al charged into the fray killing his boss with a leg of a chair. "Hey Al, that was a close one" "I'm not Al, Im a double agent bitch" Al pulled

out a gun and fired. The Panda caught the bullet and threw it back twice as fast killing Al intantly. "Oh shit whoose after me now" The Panda having sensed the approach of the talking garbage can readied his waxer. Bam! a lightning bolt

struck a wash cloth 300 paces from the nearest orange soda, it all went so fast as the couger lunged, and the Panda turned, and the waxer spun, and the man punched, and the apple fell, and the rooser crowed. And just as suddenly, it was all over. The

Panda had killed the magic watermelon and the forces of evil, saving the world from really evil, evil. He had slayed the ghost horde of China and conquored the natives of Panema, he was in truth a dictator. Then one day he realized terrorizing

people had lost all its zing and in one of act of self determination focuses all of his energies and blew a hole through the roof, and then just flew away. Maybe some day the earth would need him agian, but then agian maybe they wouldn't...