Discordian vol 2

A Concise Dissection and Analysis of the Case of Form vs. Matter§0 §0I regressed, an army made armada made anthill. The backward bent faces of their ulterior motives captivated. Movement was impossible for the ecstasy of their swift complaint.

When I ceased they ceased also. Colony of super-destroyers and cannibal vegetarians march onward.§0 §0The Party Continues§0 §0      When Zeus re-entered the party he was confident that all was taken care of. He

had let Athena leave first so he could handle some further business and wasn’t surprised to hear her voice among the crowd. He listened for his wife and heard her in the same direction as Athena, in fact they seemed to be talking to each other. In

fact, it seemed more like they were yelling at each other, but maybe it was because the party was so loud. Then he saw them gesturing angrily at each other with a crowd beginning to form.§0 §0      For a moment he considered slipping out the

back.§0 §0“Zeus!”§0 §0“Yes darling?”§0 §0“Which of us is the fairer, Athena or me?”§0 §0“What… What do you mean?”§0 §0“Which one of us was this meant for?”§0 §0She held up a shimmering golden apple.

§0“What is it?”§0 §0“You mean it was not from you?”§0 §0“I have never seen it before.”§0 §0“No matter. On the side is written ‘To the fairest’. To whom does it belong, me or her?”§0 §0Aphrodite perked up her ears, “To the fairest? Are you

sure it isn’t for me?”§0 §0Athena shot her an angry look, “It’s clearly for me. You heifers are all fat and bone; not a muscle in your disgustingly bloated bodies.”§0 §0Hera turned on her, “Well! You think being muscular and sweaty is beautiful? Ha!

You two gorgons wouldn’t know beauty if it smacked you across the face!”§0 §0“While you two old ladies squabble I’ll just take what’s rightfully mine.”§0 §0“Oh no you don’t this is mine!”§0 §0“Just because you found it doesn’t mean it’s yours.”

§0“Who died and made you king?”§0 §0“Zeus, tell her its mine!”§0 §0“Whose present is this?”§0 §0(beat)§0 §0“Who was this for?”§0 §0(beat)§0 §0“Anyone?”§0 §0(beat)§0 §0“Dionysus! This is your party, who

deserves the apple?”§0 §0“Ah man, like man I ca-hic- can’t decide… uh… yeah everyone is beau –hic- beautifuuuul.”§0 §0“Eros, you are God of Love! Who deserves the apple?”§0 §0“I cannot say for the divinity of their beauty. It is

impossible to say something is fairer when their fairness is of such a powerful and varied nature.”§0 §0“Uhm… Pan, you are a great appreciator of the company of women, who is the most beautiful.”§0 §0“You want me to tell you whether your wife is prettier

than two other women? I don’t know…”§0 §0Clearly, none of the gods were likely to answer plainly. They would have to find another judge, one not so biased by the Godly politics. Maybe someone a little more human.§0 §0Interlude§0 §0Boxes

 There are people in this world who are truly exceptional and most of them don’t know it. They are the interesting microcosms that this world revolves around, though to many of us they seem to be eccentric or even outright crazy. If you meet one

of these people it is through chance. If you meet them again it’s because they wanted to. They are like water; the harder you try to hold on the quicker they slip through your grasp. In any case, even if you were to find a way to hold on to them they

would lose their wonder, like a bird trapped in a cage too small. In a sense it would be their death.§0 §0      I knew one such person. He was an artist, or at least he said he was. I never saw a single painting or sculpture in all the years I knew him. In

a sense his art was words; he could hold a conversation on any subject and had a million stories for any occasion. Even after all the years since his departure[6] there is one particular conversation I had with him that I will never forget. I

can’t remember how it started, but we somehow got onto the subject of destruction. That was the day I first caught a glimpse of Eris, though to him I suppose she was an old friend. I will never know for sure, but I can imagine.§0 §0“People are

caught in a trap, you know.”§0 §0“Are we?”§0 §0“Yes. Most of us anyway”§0 §0“What’s that?”§0 §0“Hmm? Oh, the trap… It’s definition.”§0 §0“Definition?[7]”§0 §0“Yeah, self-definition. People love boxes. We’re always

playing with boxes. As kids they were made of cardboard, but as adults we’ve gotten very complex. Don’t ever forget, adults are just kids who have made themselves complex. Now our boxes are made of classification.§0 §0We love classifying

things, putting them in little boxes to look at and poke. Flora, Fauna, Reptile, Mammal, color, number, mathematic, geometric, organic, whatever. It’s boxes all the way down. There isn’t a single word that isn’t a box.”§0 §0“Yes, but how could we

communicate without that? If it’s such a bad thing to put things in boxes then what is it we should be doing? And if words are so bad then why are you using them?”§0 §0“Oh no, you’ve got me all wrong. Boxes can’t be bad because ‘bad’ is a box. Boxes just

are. But something funny happened. People love boxes so much that they built some for themselves and jumped in and they jumped around from box to §0box.In§0 other words they played.§0 §0You remember the story of Adam and Eve?”

“Uh I... Yeah. What about it?”§0 §0“It’s a parable, not literal but to be taken for its lesson. Both Adam and Eve are happy and at peace until they taste the Apple of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.”§0 §0“Yeah, and God throws them out of the

Garden of Eden.”§0 §0“But that’s not really it. The name of the tree is wrong, they uh- they mistranslated it. The tree isn’t the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, it’s the Knowledge of... well... let’s just say ‘Right and Wrong’.”§0 §0“Well, what’s

the difference? It all amounts to the same thing.”§0 §0“They aren’t really the right words, but they’re closer to what they meant. What I mean by ‘right and wrong’ is not right or wrong actions, but right or wrong boxes. It’s when people try to

pidgeonhole each other. They say, you know, uh, ‘You should be over here in this box. You have to be this. Now move to this box. No, no you can’t go there.’ You know, they throw each other around. It’s a sort of violence in itself.§0 §0What people

should have is the freedom to look around. They should be able to pick a box for themselves and look around inside.§0 §0And the funniest part, no matter what box you’re in there will be someone who disapproves and redirects you to another. And

you’ll go along with it too, your whole life. The punchline? You’ll do it to everyone else and to yourself too.”§0 §0“What? But I don’t. I’m not a judgemental person. I can tolerate peoples’ choices.”§0 §0“That’s cool.”§0 §0It wasn’t until years later that I

saw what he had done that day and it wasn’t until years after that when I forgave him for it. That one conversation was the sum of all of my doubts. I tried to brush it off at first, but the doubt kept growing in my mind. I tried to rebel, but the

rebellion was just another part of the doubt. I went half crazy with the problem until it struck me that there was nothing I could do about it.§0 §0There was nothing I could do about anything.§0 §0But I couldn’t do nothing.

And it was hilarious.§0 §0 §0Hammer§0 §0The only tool Man really has is a hammer. It has one side and many uses. A hammer builds but it also crushes.§0 §0Man built art to play with and when he was done he smashed it to pieces. He looked at the pieces and

found them amazing, then he put them back together in the most marvelous new shapes.§0 §0Man built a house to play in and he smashed it too. He built himself a million new ones to replace it and hospitals and streets and schools. He built himself an

office for playing at serious matters but got bored of it and smashed that too. Then he built himself a new one.§0 §0Man built a library and wrote a million books with dozens of tiny hammers. With a hammer he launched the shells that hammered down

upon the library and the books and the other hammers. He wrote new ones.§0 §0Man built another man and gave him the hammer. Now he only can only remember what fun it was.

Third Movement§0 §0__________________________________________________________________§0 §0The Judgement of Paris§0 §0Paris was nothing but a human. As far as humans go[8] he was fairly important, royalty even. He was the prince of the

human city, but to the Gods this is a little like what a Queen Bee is to an Emperor. Still, he was likely to be the least biased judge possible, seeing as he did have quite an eye for beauty.§0 §0This is mostly because Paris was a very reckless womanizer.

He was the kind of guy who would use his position of power for his own benefit before the benefit of those he was sworn to rule and protect. Every so often the women of the city, at his order, were screened for mandatory “service” in his household.

The one requirement for this position was very simple, physical beauty. Every time the order was given the priestly class of the city would gather some of the most beautiful women of the city and narrow it down to ten. Then, of these women Paris

himself would choose one.§0 §0In response, the fathers of the city took to hiding and disguising their daughters, usually as men or just very ugly women. It is estimated that nearly a third of the city’s workforce and a fifth of its military was

made up of disguised women. When this fact came to light it was a marvel of the city that its prosperity continued, even with such “inferior” workers. Even so they were not safe, women who were discovered were often blackmailed and extorted for

money and sexual favors in return for the protection of their secret.§0 §0Needless to say, this was someone the Gods could relate to.§0 §0The day of the judgement would be set three days after the party and Paris was not to be told of it until the very

moment of his decision, to prevent any biases from forming. This is how it was supposed to work anyway, but Hera had something else in mind. In the dead of night, as Paris lay sleeping, Hera stole into his dreams and whispered to him a

secret bargain. As she was in charge of managing the political dealings of man[9], if she were awarded the golden apple she would award Paris with dominion over all of Europe and Asia.§0 §0That night Paris dreamed of his new eutopia. The unimaginable

power of holding all of that land and all of its peoples under his command! The greatest of kings held together only a handful of cities, but he would be a god in compare. The million beautiful details of his new position wafted through his head. Still,

he longed for it to be real. The visions before him were naught by diaphanous vapors, he desired for it to be true flesh and blood! On that night he vowed to himself, if given the chance, he would choose Hera to give the apple.§0 §0On the next night

he was visited by Athena. As goddess of wisdom and valor, she promised to him both invulnerability to his enemies and insight into their minds. She wove visions of great armies falling before him and cities bowing before his power. He could reign for

1000 years and still be in his prime. The promises of Hera were transient, with the aide of Athena he could be eternal! On that night he made a second vow.§0 §0On the final night Paris was visited by Aphrodite. Now, Aphrodite is quite possibly the only

of the three who had done her homework. She knew what made Paris tick. She appeared to him as the most beautiful human woman in the world, the wife of the current King of Sparta, Helen. The rest of the dream is somewhat unimportant, let’s

just say she got her point across. As they lay together she told him that they must part, but if he were to give the apple to Aphrodite she could make it so that they were together again. On that night he made his final vow.§0 §0Shiva & Kali§0 §0To the

Hindus, like the Greeks, there are many Gods. Like the Judaic religions there is also only one.§0 §0The three major deities are Brahma (the creator), Vishnu (the preserver), and Shiva. They are though, all three of them, just faces