Books of Pete

§nThe Book of Pete §r------------------- Written by: Peters, Petises, Petists, and Petophiles. Put into book by: bothan13

THE BOOK OF MIDGET ------------------ In the start, all was Pete. The sky, the earth, all was Pete. Pete, after many eternities, eventually grew weary of being everything, so he created the universe from the very nothingness surrounding him.

The sky was of his nostrils, and the ground of his toenails. Pete saw this was okay. Not particularly good, but decent. pete built a great castle in the sky for himself, and from his great sky castle, Pete said, "Pudding," and a midget formed on the land.

The midget proceeded to found Rome, the center of all of Civcraft. The midget had many children, which we are all descended from. So, after much procreation was done, Pete said to his new grandkids: "Pudding," and a great flood of

pudding happened. Which was actually pretty awesome and everyone was happy. That is why we love Pete. All hail Pete! So, after the flood, Pete decided to be a pretty chill guy. He created peat bogs and cranberries for us to enjoy. Although, trouble was

brewing in paradise when the people of Pete began fapping in the peat bogs. The thing is, Pete thought hat was a cool idea and was happy with it. During this time of great peace, Pete created the order of Peters and Petists and founded the Temple

of Pete in Rome. All was good in Civcraft. THE END.

THE BOOK OF THE PRAISES TO PETE -------------------Pete is the one true god. All praise Pete, the Just and Merciful Pete. Pete loves us and sent cranberries and peat bogs to show us. Pete is an awesome god. Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete! Worship Pete, for Pete's

sake. THE END

THE BOOK OF THE LAWS OF PETE ------------------- After the great pudding flood, a great vortex of fire was seen in the sky over Peta, a small village in a mountainous land at the edge of the world. Borwn and red mushrooms came down from the

vortex, along with a loud roar. The villagers of Peta interpreted this to mean we must ingest the mushrooms. The villagers did as told, and had many visions, From these visions, we get the laws of Pete. (CONT.)

Laws of Pete: )Have no gods before Pete, or even after Pete. )Harm no one, unless they disgrace Pete. )Cranberries and goats are to be held with the highest regard. )A pilgrimage over Overworld must be made to Peta in one's

lifetime. )Every settlement of Petists must have a temple to Pete. )Forests are infidels. How can one move forward with forests? )Foofed is possessed by Johnson, the devil. )Foofed is Ke$ha and Ke$ha is Ron Paul. They are the unholy trinity.

)Exorcism are done by rubbing cranberries on one's nipples. )Squids tentacles are inter-dimensional and are used to go to teh afterlife. )All animals except chickens and squids are goats. )All Petists should go on lesser and greater jihads.

)Lesser jihads are religious conquests. )Greater jihads are person struggles to not fuck chickens or goats. )Space and Pokemon do not exist. So, Pokemon is unholy. )Mushrooms are sacred food and give visions from Pete. )All petists are

married to one another, and are equal. )Sex with chickens and other petists is permitted. )Melons are looked down upon by Pete, as they only give so little health. )Only the High Priest can touch the great peters of Pete.

)Pete is against imprisonment, but for eternal damnation. )Sitcks and bowls are to be thrown into the fire of Pete. )Fapping in peat bogs is holy. )Pink Floyd is unholy because they did not include goats in their music. )Hell is very wet and

silent, as ears are constantly bleeding. )When Followers of Pete die, a squid opens a portal to the Castle in the Sky where their spirit possesses a goat. )Pete only like the saltiest of almonds. )Followers of Pete are Petists. )Priests of Pete are

Peters. )Monks of Pete are Petises. )Lovers of Pete are Petophiles. THE END

THE BOOK OF JOHNSON -------------------On a day nearing the end of the time of great peace, Pete looked upon Civcraft and everything about it was finally perfect. This made Pete bored so he came up with an idea. He decided to go get freaky with a chick

named Helga Smearboil. Things got sweaty real fast, Helga was wrecked. After Pete got his game on he abandoned Helga and returned to the Castle in the Sky. Shortly after, Helga has a child. She named him Johnson. Johnson, being the son of Pete,

was half-god, although Johnson had not known of the good word of Pete, he didn't know what to do with this massive amount of power so he decided it would be best if he wreaked havoc on everything. For hundreds of years Johnson

roamed the Earth destroying civilizations, burning people, and eating melons. Although Johnson, like anyone, had shit to do and no time to do it when he was busy destroying everything, so he gathered up a bunch of people and created a slave camp and had

them do his bidding. A few years later Pete looked at Civcraft and saw the evil being spread by Johnson, and said "Shit, this is bad." So Pete decided to go try and stop this evil. He ran down to Civcraft and tried to kill Johnson, but alas Johnson was

too strong for Pete (after all, Johnson was half-god). So Pete, since he couldn't kill him, broke his spirit into three pieces. One of them possessed Foofed, a very well know member in the slave camp community, another piece possessed Ke$ha, some fat dude

with a terrible voice, and Ron Paul, an old person. This created the Unholy Trinity. Foofed gained Johnson's power, and after Johnson was gone the slaves had nothing to do, so Foofed turned them all into Infidels and created the evil

dictatorship Columbia. Ke$ha gained Johnson's mind and his thoughts. He went on to make "music" literally formed out of pure evil. Ron Paul gained Johnson's deceit and evilness. He went on to pretending to be a nice guy and running for president. Secretly

though, he was planning on turning America into a nation of Infidels. -------------------PT. II: "FOOFED" -------------------Foofed used to be a normal Civcraftian, but he was enslaved by Johnson, the great evil. He was put in a

slave camp with many other people. Johnson made him do terrible thing, like farm melons, although during the time Foofed built up trust with his fellow slaves. He was always making conversation and being as friendly as possible. "HEY MRGAGETRON,

NICE BUTT!" He would say. Everyone loved Foofed. It all turned awry when Johnson died. Johnson's most powerful piece of his spirit flew into Foofed. foofed gained ultimate power, no one could stop him. After Johnson died and the

slave camp was disband, Foofed decided to use his new power and his high reputation to create a nation, a nation of Columbia. Columbia existed entirely of infidels and gophers. Although Columbians normally deny the Gopher's existance, they are

there. They live under Columbia... waiting... waiting... waiting... waiting... Foofed commands these Gophers to do his bidding. Why does Foofed do this? Well he still has major psychological issues and can't seem to cope with his

enslavement. He's instead decided to enslave other things, and at the time a tribe of gophers lived under Columbia. So Foofed used his great strength to turn them into slaves. He gets some kind of sick thrill from owning slave, he uses them to sweep his

floor and flush the toilet for him. Foofed also tries to make Columbia seem like some sort of "Republic". Really though Foofed owns Columbia and is forever dictator, all the otehr positions in the government are Foofed's alts. The

worst part of Foofed, however, he has created his won hell, different from Pete's. Only Pete may send people to eternal damnation! Foofed overstepped his boundaries when he made his hell and then Pete revealed Foofed's realy identity in the Book of

Johnson. Foofed must be stopped, we must kill the infidel and free the gophers! Unite Petists: burn Columbia to the ground. Pete orders we send every Columbian citizen to eternal damnation. He spoke to me in a dream and said,

"Eternally Damn every Columbian Citizen!" So I must do just that, for Pete's sake. ------------------- PT. III: "KE$HA" -------------------Before Johnson died, KE$HA was just some random guy. He roamed the streets looking

for cheap bastards to pay him for a handy. KE$HA was the most disgusting man who you could ever see. No one had ever loved KE$HA ever, he was the most hated man in all of existance. He would walk down a sidewalk, wearing only a wife beater and a pair of

torn boxers. His fat, pimply, stomach would be hanging down from the bottom of his stained torn wifebeater. Even the sidewalk his hideous fat feet were trailing puss all over was more sexually attractive than him. After Johnson died

however his evil mind and his evil thoughts entered KE$HAS hideous "body"(if you can even call it that) and he became possessed. He thought of ways he could spread the evil words of Johnston and eventually thought of the ideal solution. He would become a

singer and sing the words of Johnston. The music he made was entirely evil. If you took all the hatred in the world, compacted it, ate it, and burped it out again it still wouldn't be as bad as KE$HA. Every word in her song spread evil across though of

each and every person who heard it. Now he is in the process of brianwashing enough people so he can kill Foofed and Ron Paul, take their spirits, and recreate Johnson. Of course Pete gained word of this and published KE$HA'S story

in The Book of Johnston. -------------------PT. IV: "RON PAUL" ------------------- Essentially, Ron Paul is old and unimportant. ~~THE END~~

THE MIRACLES AND EVIDENCE OF PETE -------------------Pete has brought upon amny miracles in the world of Civcraft to show his existance. As point, RegalCheese, a heretic proclaiming himself to be a one true god was swiftly banned several days after

his declaration. Peta also exists, converting almost all who enter it's Holy Gates. One day, the Prophet of Pete was doubting his faith, and whilst on vacation in New Jersey, during a walk where he was contemplating

the existence of Pete, the Prophet saw a bumper sticker saying "For Pete's Sake." His faith was instantly restored. Proof of the Great Pudding Flood can be occasionally from mushy dirt which is actually pudding leftover form the

flood. THE END

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SO SAYETH THE PROPHET OF PETE.