Fart Tale

§0 §0 §0 §0 "If all farts§0 §0 were as big as§0 §0 my farts"§0 §0 §0 §0 §0 A tale by§0 §0 greenkitten

I want to preface this story by saying I am not a gassy man, but boy do I blow! I mean when it needs to let loose people often ask if there was a car backfiring or something. I put this down to a large rectum, strong anus muscles and a healthy vegan diet.

Also I want to point out that my anus muscles are strong from years of training. Because I have a large rectum it means my poos are really big too, and from a young age I learnt that if I pooped to my full potential the toilet would get clogged. So

whenever this would happen Mum would make my unclog it with a plunger. It was smelly, messy and overall a very unpleasant experience, so I learnt to limit my poo by cutting the poops into parts with my anus muscles. I felt the need to explain this because

otherwise some may assume I am gay because homosexuals are often using their anuses. But I would like to assure that this would result in the opposite. Anal sex is very dangerous and excessive use can cause tearing. Imagine doing 100 poos a minute...

That is essentially what anal sex is. So in reality this constant tearing would result in weaker muscles, not strong ones like I have.§0 §0 §0Now that this is established I will now get on with the story.

I fart big. This is a fact. I do big whoppers all the time. If you could be impressed by a fart these farts would be in the top 10.§0 §0 §0Now I know these know these farts are quite unusual so it has got me wondering, what if all farts were as big

as my farts? I can see it right now, truckstop diners would be as loud as rock concerts, streets would sound like peak hour traffic jams, hippie communes would rumble the earth. It would be a glorious world full of farts. Farts as far as the eye can see.

You could wander ANYWHERE and here the bottom trumpets calling, "BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPT"§0 §0 §0Like a crack of thunder, "BLPPFTT."§0 §0 §0"FFPPPTTTTTTPLFFT!" The sound of a thunderous anal applause.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT... §0 §0Like the rumble of a big engine.

§0 §0 §0 §0 BLFTPP§0 §0 §0 §0 FFTTPPP§0 §0 §0 §0 BLLLFFTT§0 §0 PFFTTB

§0 §0 §0 What a wonderful§0 §0 world of farts§0 §0 that would§0 §0 be.§0 §0 §0 §0 The End

§0 §0 §0 §0 §0 §0 Dedicated to§0 §0 Ron Grundeswald