Book of Brodin

Gainesis Chapter 1 The Beginning 1) In the beginning Brodin created the Power Rack and the Olympic Platform.

2) Now the power rack was deserted with an empty barbell, darkness was over the surface of the platform, and the Spirit of Brodin was hovering over the Iron Temple.

3) And Brodin said, “Let there be 45 lb plates,” and there were plates. 4) Brodin saw that the plates were balanced, and he separated the iron plates from the rubber plates.

5) Brodin called the iron “power lifting plates,” and the rubber he called “olympic lifting plates.” And there was reps, and there were sets—the first lifting session.

6) And Brodin said, “Let there be a vault between the reps to separate lifts from lifts.” 7) So Brodin made the vault and separated the reps under the barbell from the weights on it. And it was so

8) Brodin called the vault “rest.” And there was reps, and there was sets—the second lifting session. 9) And Brodin said, “Let the men under the sky be gathered to one place, and let them pick weights up and put them down repeatedly.” And it was so.

10) Brodin called this movement “deadlifts,” and the gathered men he called “bros.” And Brodin saw that it was good.

11) Then Brodin said, “Let us place heavy-ass weights on a bar and put it on their backs until their quads are so strong they push the earth.” And it was so.

12) The quads produced gainz: complementing the back and hamstrings of the deadlifts while continuing to push the weights on their back into the heavens. And Brodin saw that it was good.

13) And there was reps, and there was sets—the third lifting session. 14) And Brodin said, “Let there be complementing lifts to separate the upper and the lower body, and let them serve as signs to mark sacred biceps, and deltoids and pecs,

15) and let them be aesthetic in the eyes of the non-swole to give light in the iron temple.” And it was so. 16) Brodin made two great lifts—the bench press to govern the chest and the overhead press to govern the deltoids. He also made the curls

17) Brodin set them in the temple of iron to balance out the lower body 18) to strengthen the back, and to separate weaklings from swole. And Brodin saw that it was good 19) And there was reps, and there was sets—the fourth lifting session.

20) And Brodin said, “Let the lifts not just be slow, but let the barbells by jerked with great power and technique.”

21) So Brodin created the great olympic lifts of snatches, and clean and jerk, according to their technique, and every explosive lifter swifly moved heavy-ass weights with grace. And Brodin saw that it was good.

22) Brodin blessed them and said, “Go forth with great speed, power and technique but do not use straps or your forearms will lag.” 23) And there were low reps, and there were high sets—the fifth lifting session.

24) And Brodin said, “Let the body be able to act as a weight on itself so one can pay hommage despite distance from iron temples, from the lats pulling the body up to the chest and triceps pushing the body, each according to its kind.” And it was so.

25) Brodin made the bodyweight pulling movements according to their kinds, the pushing movements according to their kinds, and all the core movements that allow for human flags according to their kinds. And Brodin saw that it was good.

26)“Let us make lifters in our own image and likeness, so that they may swole over the weak privileged and the fatties with excuses, over the otters and non-squaters, and over all the toners that move along the ellipticals in the cardio section.”

27) So Brodin created bros in his own image, in the image of Brodin he created them; male and female he created them.

28) Brodin blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase lifts in number; fill the earth and dominate it. Rule over the otters in the sea and the otters in the sky and over every fatty that waddles on the ground.”

29) Then Brodin said, “I give you every whey-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every creature that has creatine in it. They will be yours for increasing your swole.

30) And to all the weaklings of the earth and all the cardio-birds in the sky and all the otters that move along the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every ounce of protein for food.” And it was so.

31) Brodin saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth lifting session. Wheymen Wrote by Chiefcorneter Our Swole Father In Biceps