S.I.F.

§lSojourn into Fiction§r §l----------------§r "Damn, I can't believe I missed the bus again." I kicked a rock as I began my 5 mile trudge across the city back to my apartment. This bus was never early, of course it has to be on a night like this.

"Sure hope it doesn't rain." I thought to myself, glancing up. The sky was a swirl for black and gray. Though it was shrouded by cloud cover, I could still see the glow of the full moon behind the coming storm. A gust of cold autumn wind forced me to

pull my jacket's zipper all the way up. A low rumble of thunder in the far distance made me pick up the pace as I turned my begrudged walking into more of a jog. The howling wind was strong enough to kick around the detritus scattered along

the sidewalk. As I made my way down the narrow side-road, neither too fast or too slow, I noticed a newspaper smack against a pole I had just passed. I hesitantly stopped. Backtracking just a few steps I looked to see the

headline of the paper in full view: "SERIAL KILLER ESCAPES ASYLUM" "Well that's not spooky." I thought to myself. "I think I'll just call a cab, just to be safe." Of course my phone was dead, what a perfect night. The wind began to

die down and I decided I had stopped for long enough and continued on my trek. The streets were unusually empty tonight. They weren't usually brimming with people at 10 pm, but there were usually a couple of people walking around.

I guess with a killer on the loose that makes sen- wait am I in a horror movie? I mean the atmosphere is just right for it, and the way my inner monologue is moving certainly gives in the feel of one. "That's ridiculous," I reasoned, "just because a

psycho's on the run and I'm walking home alone late at night doesn't mean I've been transported into fiction." The wind began to pick up again, just slightly. The windchimes on the porches of all the houses played their

dissonant symphonies as I walked past them, deep in thought. The thunder that was once only a distant reminder of the storm was edging ever closer, with the claps of light getting closer together with each passing minute. It was then I noticed

something I'd never seen on this street before. Across the street there was a lone phonebooth. The fluorescent light within it flickered meekly, and the door creaked open and shut as the wind passed over it.

"Oh perfect, I'll just call a cab and-" §oWait.§r If this *was* a horror film, and I'm not saying it is, but if it *was*, that was where I'd die. I was still a few miles from home but to ease my mind I'd rather not deal with evil-looking telephones.

I hurried past it and continued my journey. A few minutes pass as I walked hurriedly towards my home. The dark sky above me was now spitting drops of rain, and I was sure a deluge would be soon to follow.

"Of course I didn't bring my umbrella to work. 'Oh I'll be on the bus, who cares if it rains?'" I thought. I'd reached the point of self-mockery, the kind of thing a person does before they get slashed.

"I just needed to go two blocks down, take a right, and then another right. I could get there so much sooner if this damned building wasn't here-" and that's when I spotted it. An alleyway I'd never seen before. Beyond it I could see the light

of my building's front step, but between it and I there was only darkness. "Perfect!" I smiled as I took a step into the alleyway before stopping myself, "Wait, if creepy phonebooths are out then this is like, 10 times worse."

I stepped out and continued the long way around. As I predicted the rain was only getting worse, and by the time I reached my front step I was soaked from head to toe. I fumbled for my keys, barely managing to get them into the lock without

dropping them, and with a turn of the handle I was in. I flicked the lightswitch on but nothing. I flicked it on and off a few time to no avail. Had my power gone out? Everyone else's lights were on as I passed them. A flash of lightning

illuminated the hall in front of me for an instant, and to my horror I saw that I was not alone. Though it was only for a second, I saw a massive shadow no more than 10 feet away from me. I was frozen in fear. I could only listen in terror as I

heard the sound of wet boots move ever closer to me. I could feel this person just a few inches from my body, their haggard breaths beat against my shoulder as they leaned in towards me.

My eyes rolled to the side. Though the light from the streetlamps behind me only lit up on a sliver of his face, I could see his mouth was nearly touching my ear. I heard him whisper into my ear with a voice I'll never forget.

He said "I need about tree fiddy." Now it was about this time I realized that this home intruder was in fact a three-story tall crustacean from the Paleolithic era! "God damn it Loch Ness monster you ain't gettin' my tree fiddy!"

Defeated, he slunk past me, opened the door and left. The lights came back on by themselves a few seconds later. I locked my door, went upstairs, and went to bed. Turns out I was in a comedy.