Discordian vol 3

of the one eternal, who is Brahman.§0 §0Shiva is known as the “destroyer”. Still, Shiva is not considered evil. When he destroys he is a liberator. Like fire clears forests of the dead trees so that new ones may grow, or as an eggshell is destroyed to give

birth to a chick. Shiva is the destroyer that destroys the bonds holding one from personal evolution.§0 §0Shiva is sometimes known as Kala[10], which is not to be mistaken for Kali[11]. The darker nature of Shiva is Kali. She is the wife of Shiva and is

depicted as having a long tongue and black skin. Her teeth are fangs and she has four arms; one holds a scimitar and another holds a severed human head. Otherwise she is very beautiful. She is the destroyer in the way we westerners would

think of it, but she is not evil either. She is like a child; she breaks things for the fascination of seeing them broken. She is playful, but she is also serious.§0 §0We regard both as just “destruction”, but as we can see they are both very different

principals behind similar actions.§0 §0§

The Judgment of Paris§0 §0On the day of the judgment there was due pomp and circumstance. The marble§0 §0halls of the gods, decorated with brand new carvings made especially for the occasion§0 §0and resplendent in color, were

packed with all kinds of visitors and divinity. Nymphs§0 §0danced as sirens sang to the music played on the pipes of satyrs. The Cyclopes also§0 §0showed up to watch. They didn’t understand how anyone could find something with

§0more than one eye beautiful, but would never pass up a chance to see anyone lose.§0 §0The only two groups of immortal beings to fail to show up were the Fates[12] and the§0 §0Titans[13].§0 §0After the lengthy ceremonies, finally Paris was

transported from Earth to§0 §0Olympus[14]. When he arrived he was informed of the purpose for which he was brought before the gods for what was supposed to be the first time, but in

reality was§0 §0the fourth. Then several more ceremonies were performed [15] before the goddesses§0 §0introduced and then lined up before him. Then he was given the apple.§0 §0Finally, the question was asked, “Which

of these Goddesses is the fairest?”§0 §0Paris silently thanked the gods that each was introduced; he wouldn’t want to§0 §0pick the wrong one on accident. Now he thought it over carefully, what did he want?§0 §0Hera had promised political power

and Athena had promised near immortality, but his§0 §0mind kept returning to his night with the beautiful Helen. He had to have her, not all§0 §0the girls in the city of Troy could satisfy him after her. He handed the apple to§0 §0Aphrodite while the

other looked on in anger and disbelief. Had he not promised it to§0 §0them? Had they not promised him more than any human could ever dream of?§0 §0Then it hit each of them, almost simultaneously; they’d been had. Aphrodite had

promised him something they hadn’t thought of and stolen the prize right out from§0 §0under them.§0 §0As the apple was passed into her possession she squealed with joy. Of all the§0 §0gods and goddesses she was not only

the fairest, but obviously the most clever and§0 §0disserving of it. It wasn’t as if she had ever doubted it, but now EVERYONE knew it.§0 §0This could be just the thing she needed to advance herself politically. Surely it would

get around that each had attempted to bribe the human, but it was Aphrodite that§0 §0succeeded. It was Aphrodite that outsmarted the goddess of wisdom and out§0 §0maneuvered the goddess of politics!§0 §0The contest ended with further

ceremony. Paris was returned to his city.§0 §0Immediately upon his return he prepared for another journey, this time to§0 §0Sparta. His new prize was there waiting, ripe for the picking. It didn’t matter that she§0 §0currently belonged to the court of

Menelaus, it was known around the world that Troy§0 §0was impenetrable.§0 §0He would have her soon.§0 §0 §0Finale§0 §0“Let this council be called to order.§0 §0We convene today for the discussion of§0

several issues, chief among them being§0 §0Order RmVlZCB0aGUgQ29ycG9yYXRlIGJlYXN0==. I ‘m sorry I’m not familiar with this§0 §0Order.”§0 §0“It concerns the ending of the Intelligence fund.”§0 §0“What?! That Intelligence Fund

is all that’s keeping us safe! It’s all that stops us§0 §0from falling into Chaos!”§0 §0“Really? Where have you been, Zeus? We far from orderly here! It’s gone§0 §0beyond squabbles; it’s become a full-on feud! Can’t you see that half the

council is§0 §0missing? They cannot stand each other’s company, they are so involved in the§0 §0foolishness of those humans killing each other. Just the other day Apollo guided the§0 §0arrow of Paris to kill one of their human heroes. It’s madness! The fund

has not§0 §0checked Eris in any way.”§0 §0“These things take time, Poseidon. Once we gather enough information we’ll be§0 §0able to end Eris and her activities once and for all!”§0 §0“I don’t think you understand. This order is only a

formality. We do not have the§0 §0funds to continue your little fact finding project. This war has drained us all. Those§0 §0involved have been secretly drawing on the treasury to perform these miracles. The§0 §0fund cannot go

on, in any form. We’re broke!”§0 §0“The entire treasury?”§0 §0“Yes, it’s all gone. After these billions of years of surplus the treasury has been§0 §0depleted in just ten.§0 §0So, shall we go straight to the vote?”

End Notes§0 §0[1] The Gods were overjoyed when the Mars was formed way ahead of schedule. Earth was a pain at§0 §0first, but it had a rather large return. Venus took too long and ended up being pretty boring. Mercury§0 §0was thrown in as

an afterthought. The gas giants were all a pain, but that’s a given.§0 §0[2] It took tens of millions of years for our sun to reach fusion, but there was a nice party when it finally§0 §0did. Eris wasn’t invited.§0 §0[3] Mostly this was

because of Prometheus, who showed them how to light things on fire as a joke.§0 §0Luckily for him his lawyers were able to pull some strings and set him loose after a few days of house§0 §0arrest.§0 §0[4] Referring here to Dionysus’ uncle,

Hades.§0 §0[5] This means “to the fairest”§0 §0[6] Such people will never stay. Even if you’ve seen them every day for decades there will be a day when§0 §0they suddenly disappear. There is never a good bye.§0 §0[7] He was always

an oddly minimalistic person. Though he was quite generous he never gave a single§0 §0thing away unless it was asked for. This was possibly his only consistent trait.§0 §0[8] Which isn’t too far.§0 §0[9] Not something she did very often.

[10] This means “Time” in the sense of unending time or “Eternity”.§0 §0[11] This means “Time” in the sense of an immediate end or “it is time”§0 §0[12] They already knew the ending anyway.§0 §0[13] They were too busy being

imprisoned in the darkest depths of Tartarus. Life in prison is a much§0 §0harsher punishment when the detainee is immortal.§0 §0[14] This was done in a kind of procession. It wasn’t quite a parade. It’s really something that’s hard to

describe.§0 §0[15] The gods don’t get impatient; they do literally have forever to wait. It has, though, become a very§0 §0big fad among gods since human beings invented impatience, to act impatient. The point of these long§0 §0ceremonies was to

allow the gods a chance to affect an air of boredom. Still, most of them don’t quite§0 §0understand the concept entirely.